Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The significance of tomorrow

Well, in just over 3 hours it will be the 23rd. The day that marks one year since our precious angel was born. It is hard to believe that this time last year, I went off to bed totally unaware that within the next few hours I would have the major bleed I had been warned of, get rushed down the road from Ronald MacDonald House to the hospital, have an emergency c-section and 2 blood transfusions, and then later that day get to meet the most beautiful fragile little baby I could imagine!

Now, at nearly 8kg, she is over four times her birthweight. She is totally convinced she is a big kid. She even takes one arm out of her carseat straps, so she is just wearing a seatbelt over one shoulder like the big girls! She is trying to walk. She is a fair way from it yet, but that doesn't mean she isn't going to try! She has learned some sign language. She shows definate preferences for what she does and doesn't like. Elmo, lollies, icecream, chocolate custard, chicken (not mushed up tough!) flashing lights, baths, bubbles are all worthy of enthusiasm. Medicine, nose-wiping, sitting in the car, babies who pose an attention risk are not:)

On the way to Kingaroy at the weekend, she ate more than half of Renata's icecream. We gave her another one, and Samara ate half of that too! In fact, she got mad at Renata for taking any for herself! She is even getting fussy about the bottle. She wants to drink from a cup. Not a trainer cup mind you. A real one. Talk about making a mess! Not to mention the fact that we have to be careful that she doesn't aspirate it by going too fast.

This past year has be frought with many difficulties, and much sadness. But it has brought so many joys and enriching experiences, that I find it hard to believe that it has all fitted into one year. In some ways it feels like she has been here forever. That we have been on this Down Syndrome journey forever. (and that's only been 11 months since dx). I was saying to Kerrigh the other day that the days in the nursery really seemed to take forever. Those 2.5 months felt like an eternity. But the 9.5 months since then have just flown by.

Tonight as Samara lays sleeping in her bed on the other side of my room, I am sitting on my bed listening to her wheezing breath. Hoping she doesn't end up in hospital on her birthday. That just wouldn't be fair. I wish I could take away this aspect of her disability. The rest isn't so bad. I just don't like seeing her struggle like this.

I sit here, and I watch her. And I feel such a huge wave of love wash over me. I am floored by it every time. It brings tears to my eyes. We really have been blessed beyond our wildest imaginings.

Samara - I love you with all my heart. Have a wonderful birthday sweetheart.xxx


  1. Hi,
    I couldnt figure out how to msg you privately
    (I'm really bright with computers)
    I just wantrd to say I've been meaning to msg you, I saw your wonderful post in the NT high risk thread on EB and was so proud that someone posted there, I thought about it but the whole situation just made me too cranky.
    Congrats on a year of Samara, she is absolutely stunning!! What a gift to you and your family!

    Xoxo Eden

  2. Made me cry! Just beautiful! Happy Birthday, Samara!

  3. Thanks guys :)

    Eden, I know what you mean! It took me quite a few goes to write what I did each time. I haven't been able to go back since that woman aborted her little boy though. I have read what she said about the memorial they had for him, and all that, but I just thought "hello!, You KILLED him! Why should you get to have a memorial?" It just makes me angry that people can so easily kill their children when they aren't good enough! Sorry, getting myself worked up again! But I can say, I cried bucket loads for that wee boy:(