Well, yesterday was Jes's funeral. Not that it made it any more real. How can suicide ever be real to those left behind?
We went and saw her on Sunday, but it really didn't look like her. I think they were trying to cover her bruising, by having her chin tucked down. But what it did, was left her looking like she had 3 chins, and as if she was in her 30's not 18. But her hair was a beautiful as ever!
A friend of hers is a graffiti artist and tagged the coffin, decorating it with painted pink roses. Quite pretty really. Her middle name is Rose.
As for those of us who were there to say goodbye, the place was packed with people who loved her. In fact, it was said by the funeral director that if she had seen how many people loved her, she would never have done what she did.
Why do we always wait until someone is gone before we tell them how special they are? Maybe we should all have pre-funerals! That way we would know how loved we are!!
Later today Michael (and maybe I) are going to see Colin without the kids. Not that I have any idea what we can say or do. But I guess it comes down to being there. It hurts me so bad. I can't imagine what he is going through.
I also wonder how those without faith get through something like this. It must be awful to think there is no hope. Having said that, my faith doesn't hold out much hope for Jes any more. But I can't bare to think about that.