Thursday, July 9, 2009

Going on a Car Hunt

Well, Michael's little Ford Festiva finally spluttered it's last the other day. So after a nerve-wracking tow back home from Brendale (I hate towing!), it is now quietly dissolving on the front lawn! With a new term about to start, we are desperately searching for something to replace it. Next week, we have to fit in Childrens' Therapy Services, FECS, Woody Point Special School, Baby Massage, Playgroup - and that's just Samara! So having a second car is kinda important. Michael checked out public transport from here to work, and what is normally a 20 minute drive is a 3 1/2 hour commute on the bus/train! So that's not going to be a happening thing LOL. I spent the last 2 days driving around looking at cars, and I'm all caryarded (is that a word?!) out!
Samara is still struggling to get over this latest bug. She is still waking up with a horrible cough every night. She is also throwing up yucky mucousy stuff. I really hope she gets over it soon. It is so hard on her poor wee body:( Here is some cute pictures Sara took of her sitting in the swing at Redcliffe Hospital. She was all wrapped up in her blankie, with her toes peeking out the bottom. Too irresistable to ignore!! LOL
Today, she got her first pair of 'big girl' jammies. Funny thing is, I think she knows they are like her big sisters. She was all excited, and doesn't want to take them off (Bryanna insisted on putting her in them at 3 in the afternoon, cos they have horses on them, so are cute).
I got her a coloured magnadoodle the other day at the KMart toy sale. She thinks it's great. Her drawing control has a way to go, but she knew what to do, and was impressed with the colours magically appearing!
I have just finished reading a book I borrowed called "The year my son and I were born". It is an autobiography of a woman who's 7th child was born with Down Syndrome. Really down to earth and honest. If anyone has a chance to read it, I highly recommend it. It made me really face some of my own preconceptions and ideas with regards to disability. This whole situation has really. We had considered adopting a DS baby in the past, but it still hit me really hard when Samara was diagnosed. I couldn't really understand what the big deal was. Then I realised, that adopting a 'poor little disabled child' was altruistic. Giving birth to one was proof I wasn't perfect. Dumb really. But it has made me take a good hard look at my motives for doing things! I absolutely adore Samara, but I do still have trouble coming to terms with the fact that she has a major disability. I find myself inexplicably drawn to anyone I see at the mall with DS! I want to know them, to understand them. To prepare myself for her future. Sometimes I see someone who seems to be doing really well, and this gives me hope. Other times I see someone who is not very independant, and it scares me so much! It is so hard to just sit back and take one day at a time. I want all the answers. Yesterday!
I don't have all the answers for all my other kids. Why do I stress myself out so much over Samara's future? Why do I have so much trouble just accepting who she is? I love her so much. I wish I could protect her from the fact that the older she gets the further behind her peers she will get. At the moment it's not that much different from having my other kids. She's a wee bit behind, but weeks or months don't seem so bad compared to the fact that one day she will reach her potential, and that potential won't be what it is for the vast majority of people in this world. Why did she have to miss out?
Or did she miss out? Maybe she has been blessed with something the rest of us miss out on. I don't know. It was easier to think things like that before it was my daughter who was affected. In the meantime, I have to say, we have been hugely blessed with friends we would never have met otherwise. Maybe I need to just keep my head above water and look to my blessings!
In the meantime, we are trying to get everything sorted to apply for Permanent Residency as soon as the tax returns come in. I really want that over and done with. I am so scared we won't get it for some reason......Time for me to go feed bubs now. Will try and get back when I have something to say!

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