Loneliness

Have you ever felt totally left out. Like when you wonder if you have some form of leprosy or something. Like people just don't seem to like you.

It reminds me of school. When friends were hard to make. When you just can't seem to fit in, no matter how hard you try. Somehow, whatever social skills are needed just seem to elude you.

I guess it's the Aspergers traits I can see in myself. I find it hard to make friends, but I don't really understand what I am doing that turns people away. I genuinely care about others. And I do have some great friends and neighbours. But I still feel so much like an outsider. Like everyone is sniggering behind my back or something.

As dumb as it is, here I am at 3.30 in the morning, unable to sleep, because I am feeling rejected.

Did you ever belong to a group of people, who all seemed to click, but you were sitting on the outside desperately trying to be a part of them? A group where everyone gets invited to a special event except you? Where, for all intents and purposes, you should be as much a part of the group as anyone else. But something separates you?

What do you do, when everyone else is talking excitedly about their plans? Plans that you have been left out of.

Am I really that horrible to be around?